Just looking for something casual (like an interview process with far less commitment)

Why endless “let’s get to know each other first” questionnaires and one-way videos are killing the vibe.

Imagine you’re on Tinder. You just swiped right and matched with someone ultra hot. Only, instead of a warm and welcoming sarcastic meme, they hit you with: “Send me a video where you explain your idea of a perfect first date”.

That’s what the modern tech hiring process feels like… not sexy.

Now imagine you spend hours perfecting your resume, polishing your LinkedIn, curating your GitHub, and lastly, finishing off the sexiest portfolio you’ve ever built. You hit “submit” on the application, thinking there, I’ve done my part, only to get an auto-reply asking you to film yourself answering five deeply personal questions about workplace conflict, leadership styles, and your emotional journey through a mid-sprint regression test. All with LITERALLY ZERO indication that a real human has even read your name.

Oh, and don’t forget to smile. This is about culture fit.

💘  Step 1: The Swipe (a.k.a. The Application)

Just gonna be captain obvious for a minute, but submitting your resume is the modern equivalent of swiping right. You’ve got your best profile pic (your LinkedIn headshot), a flirty little summary (“experienced, collaborative, loves long walks through Python code”), and not to mention a portfolio and/or GitHub link.

But instead of getting a match or even a “hey,” you’re immediately redirected to a pre-screening portal where you’re told to answer questions you already covered in your resume. You know, like “tell us about your experience with Python,” even though your GitHub is a literal library of repo masterpieces.

That’s right, before anyone at the company speaks to you like a human, you’re invited to submit a one-way video interview. Five questions. Record yourself talking about your biggest challenge, your proudest achievement, and what kind of tree you’d be in a forest of cross-functional teams.

Reminder: no one has committed to a real interview yet. This is all just… to maybe get a phone call.

That would be like getting a message from your new Tinder match saying, “Before I decide if I want to talk to you, please upload five videos explaining your past relationship trauma.” I mean, are any of us really that desperate??

📞  Step 2: The First Call (a.k.a. The Phone Screen)

Ahhh, you made it past the corporate HR bots and finally land the elusive 20-minute intro Zoom call. This is the “Are you a real person” check. But by this point, you’ve already submitted a resume, cover letter, portfolio, personality test, a 30-minute coding assignment, and three video responses recorded in flattering lighting with perfectly faked enthusiasm. That’s more free labor than most people put into their first marriage.

But wait, there’s more! If vibes are vibing, you’ll need to meet the teams you’d be working with. Oh, but not all at once, they’re never available at the same time, obviously. So that’ll be three separate interviews spread over a week. Then you’ll be handed back to HR to discuss salary, working style, and benefits (but no promises, of course. After all, they’re still texting with their side piece).

Still standing? Great! Now we’ll send you off for a one-on-one with the senior manager who’d be your boss, just a little intimate chat, you know, to feel your vibe one more time. If that goes well, it’s back to HR. Again.

And finally… drumroll please… a meeting with the CEO.

💍  Step 3: The Proposal (a.k.a. The Offer… Maybe)

So that’s 7–10 interviews, spanned over a course of 6 weeks, 2 take-home assignments, a panel Q&A, and a culture fit check. You’re about to get an offer! Hooray!

Except, surprise, it’s an “at-will” contract. Meaning they can dump your ass at any time, no explanation needed. So why the weeks-long courting process? Why the PowerPoint presentation on your core personal values and loyalty?

It’s like putting a ring on it only to be told, “By the way, I reserve the right to divorce you at any time for no reason at all. I don’t even owe you a text message. Also, I’ll want my hoody back.”

💡 The Takeaway

The tech talent you’re trying to hire? They’re in high demand. They’re fielding other offers, building side projects, going to conferences, and yes, they’re getting phone calls from companies who just simply read your resume and reached out directly like a sane, efficient adult.

So while you’re looking for someone awesome, specialized, and possibly local (which really narrows down your talent pool), remember that there are dozens of other companies also looking for that exact same person. Therefore, adding more hoops to the hiring process doesn’t attract top talent, it just turns them off.

If you’re serious about finding the right match, stop asking for a relationship timeline before we’ve even had coffee. Keep it casual… just call me! And once we’ve clearly hit it off and you’re ready to go steady, how about a real contract? You know, one that actually makes me feel secure and loved.